20lbs lighter

I have been working out consistently (at least 4-6 times a week) now for a year and a half. Yesterday, I hit my goal weight. Before I go any further, anyone who knows an inkling about fitness will tell you (and I agree) that it is NOT healthy to weigh yourself everyday, or even every week. Most progress is SLOW and criticizing yourself that you “gained 2 pounds since breakfast” only serves to create an unhealthy mindset. Secondly, your weight should NOT be your primary measure for how “healthy” you are. There are a number of factors that go into your weight. For example, if you have more muscle, you weigh more because muscle weighs more than fat. It's just a fact. Your weight is NOT a good indicator of your health. With this said, I also think it is important to celebrate all the victories you can. 

So, after a year and a half, I finally reached my goal weight: 110. Being around 130 my entire adult life, this means I lost 20 pounds which is 15% of my body weight (yes, I’m a very small person). YES! I DID IT! Nike swoosh and all that!! 

I expected to lose weight when I started investing more in my physical health, but what I didn’t expect was to get closer to God. Many of my friends who are dedicated runners listen to worship music when they run. I used to look at them and think, “That’s a weird time to worship. On a run? When I run I need to be pumped up and that means music with adrenaline, not calm spiritual music.” I still can’t say that worship music is my primary workout soundtrack, but I definitely throw in a few hits here and there. Because now I understand the motivation behind it. 

Now, I'll be the first to admit that my journey into fitness had absolutely nothing to do with God. I wanted to be skinny. Growing up with a sister that could eat whatever she wanted and still look like a model was intimidating to say the least. I'm still super jealous that she lucked out with such good genes, but I knew if I wanted to look good, I would have to work for it. I would have to exercise and eat better, but if it made me skinny, it was worth it.

I really can’t say when the mental switch happened. In the span of the last year and a half I have been through a number of mental battles that I am sure affected my relationship with my body, and maybe if I had been leaning into God more at the start of this journey the switch would have happened sooner. Regardless, somewhere along the way, something switched. The narrative went from “I want to be skinny” to “I want to get closer to God.” You're probably thinking, what the heck do pushups and squats have to do with doing life with Jesus?? Here’s what I’ve discovered over the last few months:

1. Working out allows me to glorify God by drawing closer to His original creation. 

Maybe we get to keep our bodies in heaven and maybe we don’t. I don't know. But this is the body that God has uniquely given me to share with His kingdom here on earth. We are created in “the image of God” and I don't think our physical bodies are excluded from this (Gen 1:27). There is a reason God created me with hazel eyes and not blue. There is a reason God blessed me with two arms and two legs. There is a reason my hair is thin and straight. There is a reason I have a triangle body shape and not an hourglass figure. God didn’t make any mistakes when He created my personality, my heart or my soul so why would He have started with my body? 

I completely understand that there are physical illnesses and deformities that are out of our control. For example, my body is insulin resistant. This means my body doesn't break sugar correctly and holds on to unnecessary fat. If left untreated it can lead to Type 2 Diabetes and at my lowest point I was actually prediabetic. I don’t think that these bodily malfunctions come from God, instead they are a result of the fall. I mention this to say that when I speak to God creating our physical bodies with intentionality, I do not consider disease a part of that. 

However, I strongly believe that as we seek to know God, we also seek to reach Eden pre-fall. Let me explain. Before the fall our bodies worked perfectly, exactly how they were designed to. Our hearts pumped blood through our veins without blocks; we breathed in only pure air; our muscles didn’t tear and bones didn't break. Our bodies perfectly reflected God’s being. Just as the stars displayed God’s light; just as the mountains reflected God’s strength; just as the ocean echoed God’s healing, so too were our bodies examples of God’s intimate and distinct nature. So, as followers of Jesus, should we not also seek to reflect His goodness and the picture of ideal functionality that God intended for us before the fall? Should we not seek to reflect our magnificent God in the best light possible?

Working out has an extensive list of benefits: you have more energy, you're happier (thanks endorphins), you look better, but your body also learns to function more efficiently. Your blood pressure goes down, your stamina improves, your muscles become stronger, your white blood cell count goes up and your body fights off infection better, and (in my case) your body learns to process sugar correctly. As you become healthier, your physical body works more like it was designed to, and in this way more so reflects the intention of our Creator. 

As I work out, I continue to see more muscle appear. I have more of a desire to eat better and give my body the sustenance it needs. Maybe this is just me, but as I work out, I feel I am more and more stepping into the fullness of all God intended for my body. I think Hillsong says it best, “If it all reveals Your nature, so will I.”1 If all creation, every plant, rock, lake, bird, piece of sand exists to reflect God, so too will my body.

2. Working out has taught me that God’s love is patient. 

First, and foremost, Love is patient. This is why I didn't check the scale everyday. In fact, I don't think I checked my weight until over a year into working out consistently because I knew that it would only frustrate me. I needed to be patient. I didn’t start out averaging 3 miles on every run. In fact, I didn't start with running at all. I started “working out” by swimming 20 mins in the pool every other day. I had just moved to San Diego and wanted to take advantage of the warm weather. After about a month, it got too cold to do that so I upgraded to taking a Zumba class (for those of you that dont know, Zumba is basically just dance, like aerobics). Then I started going everyday. Then I started using the elliptical at the gym. (I have a friend who would tell me the elliptical didn't count as working out. Don't listen to the haters!) I went from 20 minutes a day to 30 to 45 to 60. I built up. I improved. I progressed. I still do Zumba today, but now I can do a Zumba class and still run 6 miles as a follow up. And all this started with swimming in the pool for 20 minutes 3 times a week. 

If you haven't worked out in years, like I hadn’t at the start of this, I couldn’t expect to run 7 miles and not throw up. It just doesn't work like that. I had to be patient and take it one day at a time. Some days my workouts were HARD and just making it through half of it was a success for me. Other days my muscles hurt so bad that I had to take a week off just to recover. If I analyzed my day-to-day progress I wouldn't have seen anything worth mentioning. In fact, most days it would have seemed like I was moving backwards. Only looking back now can I see that, slowly but surely, I was making progress.

I think this is the way God works a lot of the time. Retrospectively, I can see all sorts of ways that God was moving in my life that I couldn’t see in the moment. Most of the major works God has done in my life have been the culmination of numerous small moments: a word from a mentor here, a line in a worship song there, a bible verse here, a gut feeling there; tiny moments where God slowly nudged my heart, that overtime oriented me toward Him. God’s love is patient. It waits for us and continues to work even when we can’t see it. God’s love doesn't push us before we are ready. God’s love isn’t in a rush, so why should we be?

3. Working out has shown me how much God is “for us!”

As I said before, my primary motivation for getting in shape was because I was disappointed with how I looked, and let me tell you, guilt is a powerful motivator. But the problem with guilt being your driving force is that most often it is because you are comparing yourself to someone else, like I did with my sister. I wasn’t as skinny as her, so I wasn’t good enough. I was clawing for an unreachable goal. If you strive to be like someone else, you will always fall short because that is not who God created you to be. There is a reason that I am not my sister. God didn't design me that way. By trying to become her, have her metabolism, and be as skinny as her, I was working from a deficit. I wasn’t good enough with how I was and needed to work harder to become her.

If that had stayed my primary motivation I would have quickly dropped out of the race. It wouldn’t have taken long for me to realize, “I am not her. I'll never be her, so why am I even trying?” Thankfully, that motivation didn’t stay long. Once I found workouts I actually enjoyed doing (ie. Zumba), I went because I had fun and felt good afterward. Same with the scale. I knew that if I weighed myself constantly that I would always be unhappy with my weight and would punish myself for it. If I was going to be successful, I needed to be progressing toward a goal. I needed to be moving forward, not catching up. I needed to stay positive. 

I think this is how God’s love works as well. Not once does He say that we are not good enough. He never punishes us for being behind the rest of the pack. He meets us where we are and begins from there. God has uniquely and intentionally created each of us. At the beginning of our existence, He gives us everything we need to completely live out His purpose for us. He gifts us with the exact characteristics and qualities we need to share Him with the world. Now, this doesn't mean that we all can’t work on honing our talents. This doesn't mean that we can’t strive to better reflect God, but this is all progress. You’re not working from a deficient to achieve who you were created to be. You're already there. You are enough just as you are. But now we get to be in relationship with Him to become even better. Because God is for us, not against us. God’s love doesn't keep score of how many pounds you gained since breakfast. It doesn't punish you when the mile you ran today was slower than the one you ran yesterday. God’s love isn't negative, condescending or deficient. It is encouraging, loving and inspiring. He celebrates that even though you were tired, you went for a run. He celebrates that even though you didn't get all the steps in Zumba that you smiled the whole time and never stopped moving. God’s love celebrates all the victories, big and small. He is for you!

4. Working out has allowed me to be in relationship with others. 

Having the limited attention span that I do, I am constantly changing my workout routine. I could never do the same workout for more than four days straight. I loathe the treadmill. I love and even crave the consistency of movement that it affords my body, but having to stare at the same thing for an hour or more is torture. And if I run outside, it's never the same route twice. 

This being said, the social aspect of my workouts also alternates. Some days, my workouts are a solitary activity. I view my solo runs as a sanctuary, as my opportunity to get away from the world. I don't have to worry about anything else for the next hour except the rhythm of my breath and the sound of my feet slapping the concrete. No work, no school, no family, just me, my body and God. I wish that I could say that I go into each workout anticipating that God is going to meet me, but usually I start the workout in order to just forget the world and then, seeing the opening and being the faithful Father he is, He shows up anyway. And I’m always ecstatic when He does. 

In Matthew when Jesus is asked which is the greatest commandment he responds: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’”(Mt 22:37-39). God’s most important command to us, second only to loving Him, is to love those around us. Yes, some of my workouts are for me alone, but the breadth of opportunities that have arisen to connect with others as a result of my pursuit of physical health extend far beyond what I anticipated.

First, I formed strong friendships in a group workout setting. Doing Zumba in San Diego, I made lifelong friends whom I never would have met had it not been for those classes. Together we performed in festivals, went to carnivals, on cruises, celebrated birthdays, weddings and have had numerous brunch and coffee dates. I could not imagine my life without these sweet friends in it. I am still fathomed that such deep relationships blossomed from my small pudgy self making an impromptu decision to go dancing one day. These friendships are proof that if you give God the space to move, He will. 

Second, working out has strengthened the relationships I already had. Now that fitness is a part of my daily life, I have this whole new world I can invite people into. For example, although none of my immediate family members are workout enthusiasts, I can often convince my mother or sister to attend a dance class or go on a walk/jog with me. I am so grateful to have this quality time with them. Plus, being able to share something I love with them makes the experience even more meaningful. Vice versa as well. Some friends used to invite me to go to the gym with them thinking, probably as I do now, that it would be a fun bonding experience, but my insecurities would win and I never went. Now, I jump at the chance to spend time with them in this way, even suggesting some outings myself. 

There is something powerful that happens in this situation. When your mind and body are focused on learning the steps, staying on the path, or regulating your breathing, you forget to put effort into holding up the walls we normally all have in our day-to-day lives. Without intentional maintenance these barriers fall, opening up room for authenticity and healing in relationships. All while getting to stand at the end of a hike and gaze at the beauty of creation. 

Third, having more energy and being in shape has allowed me to more fully participate in relationships. Now I can chase my goddaughter around the room without getting winded. At youth group I can challenge the kids to a game of ultimate frisbee without worrying about how I look. I can attend a fundraiser, whether that be an organized run, spin, or dance class, without feeling self conscious. I can say yes to a day on the boat without seeming out of place. I can be more present with whomever I'm with. It is amazing how your mindset frees up when you don't have to think about “if the food you're ordering makes you look fat,” or “if the way you are sitting is producing rolls.” I have more energy, time and mental space to invest in being in the moment with the ones I love. 

Fourth, having a new realm of knowledge has enabled me to connect with people I wouldn't normally have something in common with. I am not a fitness instructor or a personal trainer, nor did I pay all that much attention to anatomy in school. However from asking my friends for advice to interacting with trainers at the gym, I’ve picked up a few tidbits here and there. The number of random connections I’ve made because of my new hobby have been wonderfully unexpected. Friends I havn’t talked to in a while have DM’d me on Instagram asking if I had any advice for how to start working out again. I’ve had other friends text me to ask what running app I use. I've had extensive conversations by the water cooler at the gym over the different advantages of the elliptical vs. treadmill. I’ve even had many joyful interactions with people in my church about hiking trails. I am shocked by how much of a social facilitator the topic of physical health can be. God created us to live in community, yet I am utterly stunned by the ways in which God has used this journey to allow me to not only see His love more but also the love of others. Just goes to show, if you give God the chance to move, even unknowingly, He will take it. 

5. Working out has changed how I view the environment and relate to God's creation. 

In his letter to Corinth, Paul writes, “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own” (1 Cor 6:19). Our bodies are the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit. When God descends to earth in the form of the Spirit His prescene abides in us. As I mentioned before, our bodies are meant to be a reflection of their Creator. Each hair, each skin particle, each freckle serves to mirror the all knowing and all loving God. How can you hear this and not stand in awe? Your very existence was meant to display some aspect of the most high King of the universe. So too does this purpose stand for Creation. 

Now, I understand that at the beginning of Genesis there is a clear hierarchy separating man from animals and nature. I also understand that there are heartfelt plees from many different groups concerning the rights of animals and the consumption styles each of us adopts, but these discussions go beyond what I am trying to convey here, which is this: If everything in the universe was created with the sole purpose of giving glory to God, why would we not do everything in our power to help nature also fulfill its intended purpose? Put another way, how are we to see the beauty and tranquility of God in the waves, if they are slicked in oil? 

At the start of this journey, I didn’t go outside very much and the state of nature didn’t really hold my attention, save for a brief glimpse of a California sunset. Activities like walking, going to the beach, surfing and hiking were all too intimidating. I wasn’t happy with how I looked and I didn’t want to expose myself to the ridicule. I didn’t go outside so nature just wasn’t on my radar. Naturally (no pun intended), as I started to workout more my eyes were opened to the beauty of this planet. Investing in fitness exposed me more to nature and to how God presents himself to us in the physical world. The reality is, I had to consistently interact with creation, before I was able to critically think about it and, moreover, bring God into the discussion. Some of you reading this probably don’t think about the environment that much because it's not something you see everyday, busy with work, school and friends. I get that. I was that. But mine is a cautionary tale. Don’t be like me. Don’t be like so many other “Christains” in the world who only begin to care about an issue when it directly affects them. Think about it. If your body is a temple; if you’re a follower of Jesus; if you exist to bring praise to God, is it not your responsibility to help creation sing His praises too?

When I first started working out my roomate gave me some encouragement, “There are two things in life that are difficult to motivate yourself to do, but you never regret doing: going to church and working out.” I didn’t get it at the time, but it is slowly being revealed to me just how connected those two activities are. So, there you have it. Yeah I lost 20 pounds, but I gained so much more. Now I just have one more question for you: Are we working out today?

Footnotes:

1 So Will I (100 Billion X), Hillsong UNITED, Wonder